Six Feet Deep

Joe’s got a drug, it’s called nicotine
It’s the most addictive substance that’s ever been seen
It’s only going to cost you two dollars a day
But in fifty years you’ll smoke a hundred thousand bucks away
You’re wasting all your money on your cigarette fees
So how you gonna pay to treat your lung disease?

Hey Joe, don’t you know, the surgeon general found
It’s gonna make you go broke and you won’t quit smoking
‘Til you’re six feet deep in the ground.

Joe’s good looking and he acts real cool
When he’s hanging around with the kids at school
But Joe’s always sucking on a cigarette
And it makes him smell like an old toilet
None of the girls want to kiss him since
His breath would make a camel wince

The way he stinks, don’t you think he wishes he could put them down?
But I’m not jokin, ‘cause he can’t quit smokin’
‘Til he’s six feet deep in the ground

I know a guy, he’s got a hump on his back
He sells a drug that kills more people than crack
Hey Joe, tell me how’d you get so cool
That they put you on a billboard next to my school
I heard that smoking is bad for your heart
And I guess it’s true, ‘cause of the things you do to make children start

Hey Joe, don’t you know, murder is a crime in this town
But you’re puffin’ and coughin’ ‘til they stick you in a coffin
Put you six feet deep in the ground

Your lungs are black, a heart attack or emphysema’s coming around
And though it may not matter, buddy I’ll be glad
When you’re six feet deep in the ground


Thank God this song is obsolete, so I’ve never bothered recording it. It seems implausible now that a tobacco company would use a cartoon character to market smoking to children, but Joe Camel did his job so well that Camels became the cigarette of choice among minors within a few years of his “hiring.”

Eventually, public outcry forced the removal of Joe Camel– it turns out even tobacco execs have some shame, apparently– and Joe Camel was gone in a puff of smoke. This ruined a good song for me, but I can live with that if it means some kids can do the same.