Come Krampus (Y8+)
!!!CAUTION!!! Younger listeners (under 8 years in our experience) may find this song unsettling.
Teachers and parents, please use your judgment.
It’s a magical time for the children
And they’re trying their best to be good
For they know who’s coming for Christmas
And what he will do to the ones who’ve not done as they should
The parents all smile as they welcome him in
Bearing unto the children the fruit of their sin
Come Krampus, come Krampus, come Christmas each year
Come show naughty children the meaning of fear
While Santa brings all the good children new toys
Come Krampus, come Krampus for bad girls and boys
You know most of the children get presents
Because they’ve been good, but if not
When Christmastime comes they will feel the dark presence
Of him who takes kids where it’s awfully hot
Remember how mankind was saved on this day
Except for the few who get carried away
Come Krampus, come Krampus, with horns on your head
Come show naughty children the meaning of dread
While good little children join in for the feast
Come Krampus, come Krampus, you horrible beast
You know Krampus is coming for Christmas,
With a sack and a switch and a chain
He’s making things easy for Santa this Christmas
For Santa just visits the ones who remain
So if old-time religion is really your thing
Then raise up your voices together and sing
Come Krampus, come Krampus, come deep in the night
Come show naughty children the meaning of fright
While good children play with the presents they got
Come Krampus, come Krampus for those who are not
Come Krampus, come Krampus, you old pagan prince
I told all my kids, they’ve been good ever since
They’re just sitting there, quietly quaking with cheer
And we all know the reason; it’s the joy of the season
‘Cause Krampus is coming for Christmas this year!
A while back, Jeff (producer, bassist, friend) ordered me to write a holiday song.
“It’ll get airplay every year,” he said. “Money in the bank,” he said.
“I’ll try,” I said.
Problem is, all the obvious holiday topics have been done and done. Being me, I kicked around some STEM-themed holiday song ideas including:
-Axial tilt is the reason for the season
-We used to have a white Christmas/Back before climate change (no good rhymes here)
-Santa and his reindeer/Burned up in the atmosphere (song about friction and speed; this one may yet work out)
-Please don’t eat the poinsettia/Or those esters gonna get ya (too much chemistry to be properly festive)
-Every jolly holiday/Is really a pagan holiday (too much ground to cover in one song)
None of these was fully satisfactory. Then a few years ago I was invited to perform at a festival in Germany, where I was introduced to a holiday figure who truly blew my mind. I wrote a song for Krampus. As with the stories that inspired the song, this may be traumatic for young children… which, of course, is the ENTIRE POINT of the Krampus tale. Use your judgment, but if you want your children to bloody well follow the rules this is one way to do it.
In all sincerity, may you and yours find joy in whichever holidays and traditions you celebrate. Except Krampus; that guy is seriously messed up.