All These Immigrants
Tim Griffin

All these immigrants from Mexico, what’s all that about?
They’re always speaking Spanish and it really freaks me out
We ought build a wall or we’ll all be out of luck
And you’ll have to get your lunch from a tasty taco truck!

All these immigrants from Italy, they wave their arms and shout
They do it in Italian and it really freaks me out
We really ought to round them up and send them back to Rome
Or soon they’ll be delivering hot pizza to your home!

All these immigrants from Ireland, it’s really quite a shame
I think they’re speaking English but it doesn’t sound the same
Deport them all to Dublin or I don’t know what we’ll do
When they’re serving fried potatoes at every drive through!

All these immigrants from Germany, they smell like sauerkraut
They’re always speaking German and it really freaks me out
Deport them all to Dusseldorf or it will be a shame
When our children ask for hot dogs at every baseball game!

All these immigrants from the Netherlands are actually the Dutch
They settled New York first but I don’t like them very much
We really should deport the Dutch and here’s the reason why:
If we don’t ditch the Dutch, we’ll all be eating apple pie!

All these immigrants from England, what’s all that about?
They’re always speaking English and it kind of freaks me out
But they’re starving in our winter, so we’ll share our food with them
They’ll eat venison and potatoes; corn, squash, and tomatoes…
Like a real American!


A little historical context for some recent arguments about immigration. Regardless of what you think ought to be done, please know:

-Since the founding of the first European colonies on these shores, we have had wave after wave of strange new people coming here, speaking their strange languages and eating their strange foods.

-This has always been scary for the real* Americans, i.e. the ones whose parents and grandparents got here long enough ago to have forgotten where we came from.

-After a while, the scary foreign people learn English (while we add a few words of their language to our own) and their food just becomes American food.

-Once fully assimilated, some of those people will join the ones complaining about all the scary immigrants.

-Repeat for each generation as America grows larger, more diverse, and stronger.

*Technically, the only real Americans are the ones whose ancestors got here about 15,000 years ago. The rest of us are immigrants or the children of immigrants.